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I felt somewhat unprepared for my rheumatologist’s appointment this morning. Like a lot of you who follow this blog, normally I have my list of symptoms and questions and concerns neatly organized (in my mind, if not physically on paper). Today I had nothing more than this premonition that she would recommend going back on the “big drugs” that I’ve been off since knee surgery. I did well on Mobic for several weeks, but lately the effect hasn’t been great and, given issues with my stomach, I stopped taking even that about 10 days ago.

The physical examination showed more joints that were swollen and tender than I had thought — particularly my feet. I didn’t have to tell her that it hurts to get out of bed in the morning.

So here’s the new drill: back on the Orencia and 10mg of Arava. Plus Celebrex. Plus a four-week course of 5mg of prednisone, tapering to a second four-week course of 2.5mg prednisone. Plus a steroid injection today. Plus Xrays of my feet.

Sigh.

I am counting my blessings. That I have a caring, compassionate rheumatologist who listens to her patients. That I have open access to excellent healthcare (the Xrays were a short walk down the hall). That I have good health insurance that permits me to pay for the healthcare and prescription drugs. That I have a good job that provides the insurance and the salary to pay for the deductibles.

However, I can’t help but feel a bit deflated. I really wanted something simple like Mobic to work. I didn’t want to be back on weekly injections that make me feel as much like a sick person as the disease itself. I didn’t want to go on prednisone with associated weight gain and complications — even though it will make me feel better. I didn’t want another pill — Celebrex — and the second pill (protonix to protect my stomach) in my arsenal of drugs I take every day.

I know. I sound like a whiney baby. It’s like I want to look like a super model, but I don’t necessarily want to diet and exercise. I want to feel good and stop hurting and stop the joint issues, but I don’t want to take the drugs. I guess being a grownup sometimes means doing those things you don’t want to anyway.

Mostly know that I am thankful for my blessings and for my friends (cyber and otherwise). Thanks for checking in.