I was in a shoe store last week with my husband. We were actually shopping for a pair of shoes for him (which is why a husband was in the store — as all the “wives” reading this roll their eyes). I saw this beautiful pair of heels and instantly fell in love. These are my kind of shoes. Even five years ago I would have bought them. They would have been paired with a sleek little suit for the office or something cute and cocktail-ish for a party. Regardless, I wouldn’t have walked out of the store without them.
However, a new hip and a new knee, along with RA in the joints of my feet, make it nearly impossible to wear 3″ heels. Ever. Again.
I do wear them probably a couple of times a year when there’s a particularly special occasion, but at the end of it, I’m always grateful to have them off.
You know, it’s not the big things in life I miss. I don’t miss my hip, shoulder, or knee which have been replaced. Those things hurt and I have assimilated the replacement parts as if I had been born with them.
It’s the little things I miss like not being able to wear really cute shoes all the time. Or not being able to run. And I don’t like some of the new things in my life such as never knowing how I’m going to feel in the morning. Or having to inject my self once a week — in the abdomen.
All of us who have RA have been robbed of certain things we love and been given dubious gifts in return. The worst gift of all is knowing that we will never, ever be truly well again. Even our best days are simply illusions which can and will be dispelled by the next flare.
But as dire as this sounds, all is not lost. Because without this sacrifice we wouldn’t stand a chance of ever finding a cure. If RA didn’t hurt, if it didn’t disable, if it didn’t kill, then no one care enough about it to find a better treatment or to search for a cure. And if I have to give up my shoulder, and my hip, and my knee to make it worthwhile for researchers to continue their quest, then I’ll gladly do it.
I just wish I could wear those really cute shoes in the meantime.
I hope whatever sacrifices you face today reap amazing rewards. Thanks for checking in.