I have this small plaque on my desk 
that declares, “The Ultimate Inspiration is the Deadline.” Working in communications, especially for a small high-tech company, my life is extremely deadline driven. It seems that there is so much to do that very few things get attention prior to the last minute, then there is a mad scramble punctuated by brilliant ideas and seamlessly executed production.
Maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling so uninspired lately. I don’t have any major deadlines in sight. I’ve always been a solution-oriented, results-focused individual. I like a goal and I like a plan.
Right now I don’t seem to have either.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of things going on at work, and I am certainly slogging through them, but delivery isn’t due on the earliest items until sometime next week. Ho-hum.
But more so than work, I feel like I’m in limbo with some of my health issues. It’s been a week now since my check-up so I should be hearing back from my tests any day. But this waiting and not knowing what the plan is to treat — or at least further explore — issues with the rapid heart beat, etc. has got me mired in a state of inaction.
The same is true of my upcoming rotator cuff surgery. I’m within 30 days, but it’s not quite soon enough for me to go in for my pre-op work, or start stocking the fridge, or all the other “nest-building” things I do prior to having surgery.
I know I should enjoy this time as an opportunity to get caught up, take things at a slower pace, do work at something less than a frenetic schedule. Unfortunately, I’m just not wired that way. I get restless, antsy, and irritable. Frankly, I get a bit bored. I need action items. I need a schedule with milestones and deadlines. I need to understand what the end game is and how we’re going to get there.
(You have to understand I’ve now been off caffeine for over three weeks. Imagine what I was like before.)
And more than anything, I want to feel better, and right now I don’t have a plan to make that happen.
I hope your plans come together today. Thanks for checking in.
I understand just what you mean, Carla. Nothing — I mean NOTHING — is worse than limbo. As a journalist, I’ve worked most of my adult life in a career based on deadlines as well. I am very familiar with that last-minute burst of inspiration and the adrenaline rush of barely beating the clock. (As a managing editor, however, this gave me stomach aches!) Since I’ve been unemployed, I’ve beat the adrenaline addiction, but life is much more aimless, unless I work hard to set my own deadlines on myself. Easier said than done, of course.
You’ll get through the next couple of weeks waiting; we always do, somehow. I do hope you get an answer on your heart tests very soon, though. I can only imagine how nerve-wracking it is to wait around for those results. (I played the waiting game for close to three months re: breast cancer a couple of summers ago. Talk about limbo!In the end, I was fine. Feh.)
Wishing you the best, thinking of you, and hoping that your pain levels are waaaaaay down there,
Wren