I’ve never had kids but I’ve had the dubious joy of watching friends and co-workers turn from joyful new parents into literal zombies as night after night of 2:00 am feedings kick in. Nothing like an infant to redefine the term “sleep.”

I’m afraid that my lack of empathy (or sympathy) has finally come back to haunt me. Twins, in fact. My knees.

For some reason, at 2:00 am and then about 5:00 am EVERY FRIGGIN’ MORNING my knees have decided to start waking me up. If I were to create a metaphor for the pain, I would liken it to a hungry, wet, colicky baby that had just gotten stuck with a diaper pin. (Do parents still use pins?)

And it’s not enough to just turn over and find a new position. Like a screaming baby, my knees don’t want to shut the heck up until I physically get out of bed and walk around and maybe rub some joint cream on them. (I haven’t yet resorted to humming lullabies, but that may be next.) The sad part about it is, the rest of my body is perfectly happy to stay tucked up in bed, blissfully asleep (except for the occasional bursitis twinge). But no, the rest of me has to get up with the screaming knees until they’ve decided they feel good enough to go back to sleep. Then of course, the rest of my body is wide awake.

The only thing I can think of is that it’s a three-hour cycle. I’m usually asleep around 11:00 pm, so 2:00 am and 5:00 am, would be two, three-hour cycles where my knees stiffen up and get sore.

I take Tylenol before I go to sleep and I’m a bit adverse to taking anything stronger as most pain or sleep medications make me feel hung over or groggy the next day. However, other than trying to find them new owners where my knees would be happier, I may have to resort to that.

In the meantime, I’m not sure whether I’m Sleepy or Grumpy.

Hope the things that keep you awake at night are happy thoughts.

Thanks for checking in.